Carma

Cody rents a car dolly the next day, and borrows his parents bigger truck, to go to Oxford and get my car. We take it to Southaven after I'm done teaching. Hopefully it is something wrong with the transmission that is still under warrenty (this is the second rebuilt transmission I've had on this car). Oh and did I mention that when we got to the transmission place, we realize that neither of us has the keys to my car? No idea where they are (still don't know). Can't get it off the dolly without the keys, so my mom comes to pick me up (transmission place is in southaven), and take me to senatobia to get the spare key. After they get the car, Cody and I go to the hospital to pick up my films that have to go with me to the MRI the next day, and then we decide we really need a drink. So we go to Buffalo Wild Wings, eat and drink and play trivia. Then we went to the movies. Role Models and Zack and Miri. We needed some comedy in our lives, lol.

The C-word....no, not that one

The next few days were rest and work as usual. Well, not totally as usual, nothing ever will be again, but still. I'm becoming obsessed with knowing everything possible about breast cancer and doctors and tests and so on. That does make it difficult to get work done. I'm also struggling with whether or not to tell my community college students what's going on. I decide against it, but tell them that I am having issues, and so will be giving them an open book test next week. That way, I don't have to worry about teaching as much, (since I can't seem to concentrate on anything but cancer information anyway). At my other job, in between work, I search the internet for any information I can get my hands on. When I got to Oxford for work on Wednesday, my car (C-word) was acting funny. I saw a girl getting into her car, and when I saw that she was in fact leaving, I put mine in reverse to give her a bit more room for backing out. Nothing happened. Put it in drive, nothing. Car off and on and reverse and drive and still nothing. FINALLY got it to work in drive, but someone had already taken that spot, so I inched my way to the next closest parking lot and pulled in the first spot I could. Went to work and when it was time to leave (around 5), I had already called Cody to tell him that he may have to drive all the way to Oxford to pick me up. While on the phone with him, he has me check the transmission fluid (fine). So I try the car again, after warming it up, and as I put it in reverse, it moves forward. Not far enough to hop the curb, but now the hood is completely situated on top of a bed of pine needles. When Cody gets there, he puts it in reverse, and it moves backwards. (I just knew that was going to happen.) Then he puts it in park, closes the hood, and tries reverse again. Nothing. (Thank goodness, or else I would have really felt like an idiot.) So we look at each other and just laugh. What else is there to do?? We get in his truck and drive home (by way of Chili's for dinner). Of course my car would break down now. I'm not sure why I would have expected anything else.

Cancerversary #1

Went to work as usual on November 7. The hospital people said it takes a few days to get biopsy results back, so I figured I wouldn't know anything until Monday or Tuesday. In an attempt to be normal, I decide I want to go out karyoke-ing tonight. Cody agrees, we talk whoever we can into going, and the plan is set. I get home from work and we start getting ready, but really it's way too early, so I take it slow and have a beer. My phone rings. It's Dr. Purohit....from her cell phone. I know what she's going to say, but my heart stops anyway. It's cancer. Ductal carcinoma. Won't know if it's spread until I get an MRI. Will schedule my MRI and oncologist appointments on Monday. Call her if I need anything. I hung up, looked at Cody, and started bawling. Really and truly I only cried for like 2 minutes. I guess on some level I already knew, and also know that if it hasn't spread, it will be manageable. Cody and I make some phone calls to let everyone know. Then we finish getting ready, go out to eat, then go karyoke till 2 in the morning.

Floating Down Denial

On November 6, I had my breast biopsy. They give you a local anesthetic (so a small needle in the boob first). Then they take this large needle with a twisty thing on the end that makes a horrible clicking sound, and stick in in your (supposedly numbed) boob. Oh and did I mention that the biopsy needle is so big they actually have to make a small incision first? The first sample they took, I felt. OWWWW. Luckily, they really aren't masochistic, so they gave me more numbing medicine, so much that it came back out the incision. I didn't feel the rest of them, thankfully. After doing the biopsy, the doctor said she thinks it is probably cancer. Either that or maaaaybe an infection called Mastitis. More shopping therapy ensued after the biopsy. Then I came home and began my obsession with all medical terms related to breasts (okay this obsession started like a month or two before, but now it was serious). Mastitis causes flu-like symptoms, which I do not have. I still cannot imagine that it's cancer. I'm freakin' 28!!! No way.

FuggetabouTIT

The day after the mammogram, Cody and I went to Dr. Purohit to find out what she thought we should do. She recommended a biopsy before surgery. That way, if it is cancer, they will know to remove more tissue. She scheduled my biopsy, but they only do them once a week, so I had to wait another week for it. She asked if I would like some anti-anxiety meds to help keep me calm and help me be able to sleep, and Cody quickly answered yes. So we filled my script, and went off to the Stone Temple Pilots concert. We had a great time; the first of many great times that we are trying to cram in before something worse happens. The concert was awesome, we had 4th row seats. I'll post pictures at some point. The day after the concert was Halloween, and we had a good time staying home and handing out candy. At this point, we were still thinking we could have a baby soon, so it was fun to see all the kiddies. Day after Halloween was the Auburn/Ole Miss game. Ole Miss won, 17-7, it was SUPER AWESOME! We went bar hopping on the square to celebrate. Ate some great food, drank some drinks, etc. Lots to distract us from what's coming.

Ma'ammogram

I'm a wuss. I hate pain and exercise and all that stuff. My motto is: No pain, No pain. :) So I was pretty scared to go to a mammogram after hearing all the horror stories associated with it, even though I knew it was just a precautionary thing and I was certain I didn't have cancer. Well here's the thing, a mammogram does not hurt AT ALL. Unless you have a large lump in your breast. But even then, it only lasts a few seconds and the nurse is nice enough to let you say OWWWWWWWW the whole time as long as you hold your breath for those 2 seconds to take the picture. After the mammogram, the hospital decides they need an ultrasound too (since my breast tissue is dense because I'm so young, they couldn't get much from a mammogram which ANYBODY already knows that). After the ultrasound, a doctor comes in to talk to me. He tells me that the lump is very suspicious (category 4 out of 5) and he recommends a biopsy and then surgery, or just surgery. Either way, it's bad. I cried. Not because I was scared of what it was (I just knew I was too young for cancer) or because I was scared of surgery (you get the good drugs for that), but because I was told less than a week before that all was fine. I asked him, are you sure its not a hematoma? He said, yes, it's definitely not a hematoma. So now I have to have a biopsy and/or surgery. Mom and I went out to lunch and did some shopping after. Shopping is my therapy, but my bank account is starting to get pissed about it.

It's Not a Tumah

I go in for my ultrasound at Dr. Purohit's office, only she is not the one who gives them. So now I have some guy squeezing cold jelly on my breasts in a dark room (it's okay, he's a professional....I think). After doing the ultrasound and making 'Hmmmm' noises for a while, he announces that the lump appears to be a hematoma. A hematoma (her-matoma?) is a blood filled vesicle that happens after injury. He asked if I played any contact sports, and I said does sex count? Apparently it did, so rough sex or perhaps my ridiculous clumsiness caused an injury to my boob that I was not aware of. It's definitely not cancer, says the guy (doctor? tech? I do not know). Big sigh of relief. My gyno, Dr. Purohit, says okay, but I still want you to have a mammogram, just to be on the safe side. Great, I've heard those are so pleasant. :P

The Beginning of the End of My Dignity

Dr. Purohit, my gynecologist, is female. And as I had been going to her many times, especially through my bout with cervical cancer, I was used to having her touch my naughty bits. However, having a syringe shoved into my breast was new. As she felt my breast lump for the first time, she immediately asked the nurse for a syringe, and lied to me when I asked if it would hurt. Before I could even catch my breath, she jammed the needle into my breast (which only felt like a sting), then pulled back on the syringe (which felt like someone was ripping out the insides of my breast with a fish hook). All she got out was blood, so after she stopped the bleeding, she put a band-aid on and told me she probably just hit a blood vessel. She scheduled me for an ultrasound in her office for October 23.

My lovely lady lump

I first discoverd a lump in my breast sometime around late August I think. Actually, my husband Cody discovered it while he was tickling me (no, really, tickling...get your mind out of the gutter). I knew it was probably no big deal, and that my gynecologist would probably tell me to watch it for a month or so to see if it changed. I had my next appointment with her at the beginning of October, so I figured it would be fine to wait until then. Meanwhile, Cody and I decided I should stop taking birth control in October, because we were finally ready for a baby (well, he has been ready for ten years, but I digress). My pap smears had all been normal since my cervical cancer surgery in April 07. End of September, I get a call from the doctor's office that she will be out of the country, and I had to move my appointment back 3 more weeks. Cody and I thought maybe that would be neat, I would know early if I were pregnant (assuming the doctor's techniques of testing pee are more sophisticated than the ones you get at Wal-Mart). Still not too worried about the lump, I had been noticing that it was tender, but I figured maybe that was from all the poking we were doing to see if it had grown. We argued if it had grown or shrank at various times throughout the month, but figured maybe that meant it really hadn't changed size. In other words, it's always been large. Finally, on October 20, I got to go to the gyno to get my pap smear (woohoo!) and have her tell me that my lump was nothing (or so I thought).