Repo-ductive organs

Thursday morning is my hysterectomy.  Should be laproscopic and robotic assisted with no more than one night in the hospital.

No more babies, but no more periods either.  Hot flashes, but no excess hormones making my cancer grow.  I'm ready, let's do it.  When I was almost done with graduate school, we decided it was time to start trying for a baby.  I got off the pill and a month later was diagnosed with breast cancer.  After chemo, countless surgeries, and radiation, we still had to wait 5 years (so I could take the tamoxifen) before we could try....not knowing if chemo had damaged my eggs.  I got off the tamoxifen to try for a baby on September 11, 2013.  Our miracle baby was born on September 11, 2014.  He's spoiled rotten and will always be.

Surgeries generally don't make me nervous anymore, but this one does a little bit.  The last time I was in the hospital was the first and only time I've been put in ICU.  A few days after Brink was born I woke up panicking and unable to breathe.  I got put in ICU while they ran tests and things and Cody got told he had to take Brink home without me.  My parents stayed in the hospital with me and Cody's went home to help him with Brink.  Eventually they figured out that I had too much fluid on my heart, congestive heart failure, cardiomyopathy.  Possibly from the chemo I'd had plus the stress of pregnancy and eventual c-section.  Feeling like I couldn't breathe was one of the scariest things ever.  My heart is in much better shape now, but that's the thing that scares me.  I'll be sent home Thursday or Friday, what if I wake up having trouble breathing again?  I was so lucky to already be in the hospital when that happened before.

Also, when I was in grad school after going through chemo and everything, my boss got diagnosed with uterine cancer.  She went in and had a hysterectomy and was at home recovering.  The day before she was due back at the doc for checkup, she had pain, but figured she'd just wait til she saw the doc the next morning.  She died of sepsis I think it was.  This was actually how I ended up in the job I'm in now.  I know rationally that there's no reason to think something bad will happen but that doesn't mean I'm not a little anxious.

So send my good thoughts, prayers, unicorn farts, crossed fingers, or whatever you feel will help.  And I love you all, just in case you didn't know.  <3 p="">