You rang?

Ringing the bell.  It's what you do when you finish chemo, at least it's what we do at the West Clinic.  It was a big deal with my first time through breast cancer.  After weeks of chemo, vomiting, intense bone pain, hair loss, nerve issues, and many other things, you finally finish and you get to go outside and ring that bell.  My chemo buddy actually turned around from ringing it and saw her boyfriend on his knee holding a ring, proposing to her (while all of us inside banged on the windows in celebration).

Today I went to the clinic for my shot and an older lady got to ring the bell.  At first, it hit me hard that I'll never get to ring the bell again.  See when you're stage 4, your treatment doesn't end.  There's no...when I finish chemo....it's just....you treat the cancer with whatever works for as long as it does and then you try something else.  To bring it to the fight analogy, I'm always in the ring fighting, there's no finishing the fight or beating it.  Dancing with NED is the best we can do.  So while I am happy for that woman who got to ring the bell, it also made me a little sad.

For some reason, something I read recently popped into my head.  A Buddhist teacher addressed those who were disappointed and frightened by Trump's winning the presidency.  He reminded us that we are all connected, we are all one.  I am Trump.  That greedy part of me, that selfish part, the part that is scared of others, the part that wants to throw a temper tantrum when I don't get my way, the part that wants so bad to lead and make a mark on the world that I don't care how it gets done....that's also me.  Even if you don't believe all beings are spiritually connected, you should still see the connection existing between all living things in that we are all alive at this moment on a rock hurtling through space.  Our energy connects us by virtue of our circumstance.  I am a Syrian child.  I am a dictator.  I am a butterfly floating on the breeze.  I am selfish and greedy but I am also beautiful and compassionate.  The reason it is important to cultivate compassion is because the more I am compassion the more you are too, because as I am you, so too you are me.

And do you know what else that means?  I am the woman who rang the bell.