Despite Pain

As the tears fall, I ask why

As the world turns, who says goodbye

As others live on, I wanna know

As my heart aches, when will I go

Others just eat, as I consume

Others sleep, while I wait for the moon

Others can laugh, as I struggle to smile

Others tell truths, while I live for denial

Despite the hard times, I still hope for ease

Despite the cold, I still feel the breeze

Despite my fear, I keep on giving

Despite the pain, I fight for living

Wig Album :)

Wigging out

Chemo (part 4 of 8) Halfway there!

Had my chemo thursday, the last of the Adriomyacin and Cytoxin.  Next 4 chemos will be of Taxol, and the doc said it is much less likely to cause nausea.  Keeping my fingers crossed!  I'm having hot flashes, which doc says is normal, possibly chemo-induced menopause.  Period may stop or at least be irregular the rest of the time.  Weird.  I met with the genetic counselor at chemo thursday, and he thinks there's about a 15-20% chance of a genetic mutation so they took extra blood to test.  I'll know in about a month about that.  My tumor has shrunk to almost HALF its original size.  So the chemo is definitely working!  :)  It may shrink a little bit more, but not much, as the Taxol is not likely to shrink it.  Got a script for Percocet for the pain that follows the shot, hopefully that will help.  I also found out I won't have to have the shot after my last chemo, so only 3 more shots!  Pretty good news all around.  I'll post some wig pictures maybe later today or tomorrow.  I need a pink one, lol.  I'm enjoying the blonde one though.  :)  Here I am playing Sinead with less hair, scratchy sound though cause it's my first video using my built-in webcam.  

Positive things about having breast cancer

1. Vomiting is much easier without hair to hold back.
2. I'm becoming an expert at swallowing pills.
3. Chemo-brain is a great excuse for not paying attention.
4. Wigs and sunglasses make it easy to hide from the law, or people you just don't want to talk to.
5. People cook and clean for you, leaving you free to catch up on current events, like the war in Isreal or whether Dr. House will ever sleep with Dr. Cuddy.


I'll add more over time as I feel clever. Maybe I will get a book deal one day. :)

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Well the title pretty much says it all. I knew this would be rough but I'm still sick of it already. I've been nauseated mildly but constantly since my last chemo. I threw up yesterday. The pain after my Neulasta shot was excruciating this time. I have a terrible taste in my mouth all the time. I'm too tired to feel like doing anything. I can barely do laundry much less anything else. Yes, I'm whining, so what. The worst part is it's only a few more days till chemo again. I usually feel good for almost a week before chemo. Not this time. Sucks. Thursday will be my 4th chemo. It will be the last of the Adriomyacin and Cytoxin. The last 4 treatments will be of Taxol. Hopefully that drug will be less annoying. Who knows. I should be working on my online class that I'm teaching, or something, but anything more than laying here watching tv is exhausting. Hell, even typing this makes me tired. Fuck cancer.

Chemo (part 3 of 8)

So I had chemo Friday. It went well, I've been tired and a bit nauseated but not too bad. I have my shot tomorrow, so I'll be sore on Tuesday and Wednesday. Guess what though? My tumor has shrank 1 and 1/2 cm! Woohoo! That means the chemo is working. The doc said it won't shrink much after the 4th treatment (because I'll be on a different medicine for the last 4 treatments). Still, it's great news. :)