Christmas and Sickness

Christmas week was my 'good' week luckily. We had tons of fun with our families. My third round of chemo was to be Monday the 29th. However, I was up all night throwing up and such. Apparently I caught a stomach virus (at least one little cousin-in-law has same symptoms) at Christmas. So I called Monday and had chemo rescheduled. Early Monday afternoon my fever got up to 101 and Cody was freaking out, so he called the nurse. They made me go into the clinic for evaluation and decided I needed fluids by IV. (Did I mention that the clinic is about 45 minutes to an hour away?) Got fluids, which took like 2 hours, and came home. Felt a little better Tuesday, and felt a little more better Wednesday. My chemo is rescheduled for Friday. I hate having my schedule messed up. I won't get my Neulasta shot till Monday. So now my good and bad days are unpredictable to me, lol. Doesn't change the fact that I can't go to the cotton bowl. :( Cody and his dad are going and have great seats. I won't even get to watch it on tv until I come home from chemo.

Chemo (part 2 of 8)

Second chemo was December 15th (Monday). During my visit with the nurse practitioner, I told her every tiny symptom I had the first time (heartburn, nausea, restlessness, etc.). She gave me lots of new meds to try. As with the first round, I was mildly nauseated the first couple of days, and in major pain from the Neulasta days 3 and 4. I was extra nauseated this time though, from Wednesday through Sunday. Thus, the new anti-nausea med does not help. Will try a new one next time. Hair started coming out the day after chemo. Just falling out in the shower. My MIL came over to see if it was just thinning or what, and all you had to do is run your fingers through it and it would come out. So we shaved it. Had fun playing with a mohawk and such first. It didn't look as bad as I thought, really makes my eyes stand out. Of course, still having my eyebrows and lashes (for now) probably helps, lol.

In Between

With chemo on Mondays, I'm supposed to avoid crowds that weekend and the beginning of the next week (when my white cell counts are lowest). The second weekend (right before my next chemo treatment) I am to go out and do something fun (doctor's orders!). I also knew I was going to lose my hair, so my MIL cut it short for me in between my first and second chemos. Went wig shopping too, and have some great ones.

Chemo (part 1 of 8)

December 1st (Monday) was my first chemo. There's a lot of waiting involved. First, you wait in a big waiting room. Pay your co-pay and wait some more. Then you go get your blood drawn. (It hurts when the needle goes in to my port, but it stops hurting after 2 seconds). Then wait in a smaller waiting room. Then fill out this rating form of your symptoms on an electronic tablet. Then wait some more. Then go talk to the doctor or nurse-practitioner, who tells you what your blood work looks like and gives you a script for some meds. Then wait in an even smaller waiting room. Then go sit in a recliner for chemo. I told my doctor way before my first treatment that I was a nervous type, so my pre-meds include Ativan, which when given through IV, make me feel a little loopy. :) Getting the chemo wasn't bad at all, just sitting there basically. Mom took me to chemo and Elizabeth met us up there. After chemo, came home to a clean house (thanks to my MIL). Got in bed, was a little nauseated, and pretty much just slept. All in all, wasn't too bad. The next day (Tuesday) is when I went for my Neulasta shot. Neulasta boosts your white blood cell counts to help you not get sick (because a cold can be pneumonia in a chemo patient, etc.). That shot hurts and takes a minute to give and hurts the whole time. Bleh. I felt pretty good the rest of that day though. Wednesday is when the Neulasta pain kicked in. Every tiny piece of my body hurt. Luckily I have Vicodin leftover from my port surgery. Thursday I still hurt but not as bad. Friday I felt better from chemo, but had sinus issues. By Sunday I realized I probably had the same sinus infection that Cody had (even though he'd been sleeping in the guest room so as not to get me sick!). Called the nurse Monday to get some meds for it and felt better by Tuesday. The Neulasta pain and sinus infection were the worse parts of Chemo round 1.

Bionic Woman

November 24th was my port surgery. A port (or port-o-cath) is a little metal disk that has a rubber tube attached to it. The tube gets inserted into a vein and the port stays under the skin as well. It feels like a button. It is used to give IV medicine, now they don't have to search for a vein, the medicine goes into the port which is already attached to a vein. My port is near my collarbone. I was nervous before my surgery, but it ended up being no big deal. I was pretty sore and a little nauseated but had medicine for that so it was alright. I'm learning to ask for what I want when I'm in a clinic or surgery center. The anesthesiologist asked how I was doing before surgery and I told him I was nervous, so he gave me some medicine that made me feel gooooood. :) And after surgery I was thirsty and told the nurse that and she got me some juice! Apparently Elizabeth came up there and talked to Mom and Cody while I was having my surgery. Elizabeth is a fellow Ole Miss grad student, in the clinical psych program. I knew of her, but didn't really know her. She just went through everything I will be having for breast cancer. A mutual friend of ours hooked us up and she has been great answering my questions and just being there for me. After my port surgery, Cody and I went to talk to a fertility doctor about our options. Apparently chemo can make you go into early menopause, and getting pregnant can cause hormones that can make my cancer grow, plus I'll be on medicine for years after all this where I'm not allowed to get pregnant. The fertility doc said our best option was to freeze embryos (either to be put back in me or a surrogate). This would involve pumping me full of hormones and postponing my chemo. Cody and I both thought that was a bad idea, despite the fertility doc's pushiness. I have always wanted to adopt children anyway, so we had talked about having one of our own and then adopting one or two. Now, we'll just do it backwards, adopt one or two, and then have one of our own (if its meant to be). I know nothing about adoption, but when I'm well, I'm sure I will learn all I can about it. And hey, I get to have a baby without being pregnant! Lol, always a bright side to things, right? I do feel really bad about not being able to give Cody a baby of our own (at least right now). We had just started trying (less than a month!) when we got my diagnosis. I know he wants one so bad, and the only reason we were waiting was for me to finish school. I finally got baby fever and now we have to be careful and use condoms and such. And of course, everywhere I turn someone I know is pregnant or has a new baby. It's not that I'm not happy for people, but it's kinda hard, ya know? But I think once we can really start looking into adoption, it will feel so good that it won't matter anymore.

MRI, CT, PET

Had various tests to tell where my cancer has spread. First was an MRI. The point of it was to tell whether the cancer was in my other breast. I had to lay on my stomach with my breasts in these round holes for over an hour. It probably wouldn't have been so bad, except they injected me with the contrast fluid, and for some reason it made my good breast burn terribly! But the good news was there didn't appear to be cancer in the good breast. Had a CT/PET scan to see if there is cancer elsewhere (other than my lymph nodes). The parts of your body that light up are the ones to be concerned about. My tonsils lit up, which has nothing to do with the cancer, just an oddity (but I've always had sore throats, so I thought it was interesting). Parts of my spine lit up too, and those results were 'inconclusive,' possibly just fatty deposits. So they are staging my cancer as Stage 3, based on tumor size and lymph nodes. Stage 4 is the highest it goes, so at least they don't think it has metastized elsewhere.

The Breast Doctor

Dr. Berry is my surgical oncologist. He works at The Breast Clinic in Memphis (well basically Germantown). He is the person coordinating all my treatments and the one who decided on the plan of action. The first time I met with him, he did an ultrasound of my tumor. He also looked at my lymph nodes with the ultrasound and found one that was enlarged. He thought it looked normal enough, but just to be sure decided to jam a needle in and out of my armpit to get fluids from it. Originally, he thought the cancer hadn't spread to my nodes, but that meant he would have to do a biopsy on them later to be safe. However, it came back positive so when I get my mastectomy the lymph nodes will come out too. Anyway, Dr. Berry told me the plan on my first visit to him. I would start with chemotherapy, and yes would lose my hair (though he joked I would still look better than him, with his thinning hair, lol). The chemo is AC-->T and dose dense (every 2 weeks). The AC stands for Adriamycin and Cytoxan, the drugs I will get my first four chemo treatments. The T stands for Taxol, the drug I will get my last four chemo treatments. After chemo, I will get a month off to rest. Then I will have a mastectomy with lymph node removal. The point of doing chemo first is to shrink the tumor (as it is now so big there would not be much left to work with for reconstruction later) and to kill any cancer cells lurking elsewhere in my body. After mastecomy, a month off, then radiation. After that, another month off, and then I can have reconstruction. Getting hit with all that information was a shock. Dr. Berry set me up with the (in his opinion) best medical oncologist in Memphis, Dr. Schwartzberg, to be in charge of my chemo.

Carma

Cody rents a car dolly the next day, and borrows his parents bigger truck, to go to Oxford and get my car. We take it to Southaven after I'm done teaching. Hopefully it is something wrong with the transmission that is still under warrenty (this is the second rebuilt transmission I've had on this car). Oh and did I mention that when we got to the transmission place, we realize that neither of us has the keys to my car? No idea where they are (still don't know). Can't get it off the dolly without the keys, so my mom comes to pick me up (transmission place is in southaven), and take me to senatobia to get the spare key. After they get the car, Cody and I go to the hospital to pick up my films that have to go with me to the MRI the next day, and then we decide we really need a drink. So we go to Buffalo Wild Wings, eat and drink and play trivia. Then we went to the movies. Role Models and Zack and Miri. We needed some comedy in our lives, lol.

The C-word....no, not that one

The next few days were rest and work as usual. Well, not totally as usual, nothing ever will be again, but still. I'm becoming obsessed with knowing everything possible about breast cancer and doctors and tests and so on. That does make it difficult to get work done. I'm also struggling with whether or not to tell my community college students what's going on. I decide against it, but tell them that I am having issues, and so will be giving them an open book test next week. That way, I don't have to worry about teaching as much, (since I can't seem to concentrate on anything but cancer information anyway). At my other job, in between work, I search the internet for any information I can get my hands on. When I got to Oxford for work on Wednesday, my car (C-word) was acting funny. I saw a girl getting into her car, and when I saw that she was in fact leaving, I put mine in reverse to give her a bit more room for backing out. Nothing happened. Put it in drive, nothing. Car off and on and reverse and drive and still nothing. FINALLY got it to work in drive, but someone had already taken that spot, so I inched my way to the next closest parking lot and pulled in the first spot I could. Went to work and when it was time to leave (around 5), I had already called Cody to tell him that he may have to drive all the way to Oxford to pick me up. While on the phone with him, he has me check the transmission fluid (fine). So I try the car again, after warming it up, and as I put it in reverse, it moves forward. Not far enough to hop the curb, but now the hood is completely situated on top of a bed of pine needles. When Cody gets there, he puts it in reverse, and it moves backwards. (I just knew that was going to happen.) Then he puts it in park, closes the hood, and tries reverse again. Nothing. (Thank goodness, or else I would have really felt like an idiot.) So we look at each other and just laugh. What else is there to do?? We get in his truck and drive home (by way of Chili's for dinner). Of course my car would break down now. I'm not sure why I would have expected anything else.

Cancerversary #1

Went to work as usual on November 7. The hospital people said it takes a few days to get biopsy results back, so I figured I wouldn't know anything until Monday or Tuesday. In an attempt to be normal, I decide I want to go out karyoke-ing tonight. Cody agrees, we talk whoever we can into going, and the plan is set. I get home from work and we start getting ready, but really it's way too early, so I take it slow and have a beer. My phone rings. It's Dr. Purohit....from her cell phone. I know what she's going to say, but my heart stops anyway. It's cancer. Ductal carcinoma. Won't know if it's spread until I get an MRI. Will schedule my MRI and oncologist appointments on Monday. Call her if I need anything. I hung up, looked at Cody, and started bawling. Really and truly I only cried for like 2 minutes. I guess on some level I already knew, and also know that if it hasn't spread, it will be manageable. Cody and I make some phone calls to let everyone know. Then we finish getting ready, go out to eat, then go karyoke till 2 in the morning.

Floating Down Denial

On November 6, I had my breast biopsy. They give you a local anesthetic (so a small needle in the boob first). Then they take this large needle with a twisty thing on the end that makes a horrible clicking sound, and stick in in your (supposedly numbed) boob. Oh and did I mention that the biopsy needle is so big they actually have to make a small incision first? The first sample they took, I felt. OWWWW. Luckily, they really aren't masochistic, so they gave me more numbing medicine, so much that it came back out the incision. I didn't feel the rest of them, thankfully. After doing the biopsy, the doctor said she thinks it is probably cancer. Either that or maaaaybe an infection called Mastitis. More shopping therapy ensued after the biopsy. Then I came home and began my obsession with all medical terms related to breasts (okay this obsession started like a month or two before, but now it was serious). Mastitis causes flu-like symptoms, which I do not have. I still cannot imagine that it's cancer. I'm freakin' 28!!! No way.

FuggetabouTIT

The day after the mammogram, Cody and I went to Dr. Purohit to find out what she thought we should do. She recommended a biopsy before surgery. That way, if it is cancer, they will know to remove more tissue. She scheduled my biopsy, but they only do them once a week, so I had to wait another week for it. She asked if I would like some anti-anxiety meds to help keep me calm and help me be able to sleep, and Cody quickly answered yes. So we filled my script, and went off to the Stone Temple Pilots concert. We had a great time; the first of many great times that we are trying to cram in before something worse happens. The concert was awesome, we had 4th row seats. I'll post pictures at some point. The day after the concert was Halloween, and we had a good time staying home and handing out candy. At this point, we were still thinking we could have a baby soon, so it was fun to see all the kiddies. Day after Halloween was the Auburn/Ole Miss game. Ole Miss won, 17-7, it was SUPER AWESOME! We went bar hopping on the square to celebrate. Ate some great food, drank some drinks, etc. Lots to distract us from what's coming.

Ma'ammogram

I'm a wuss. I hate pain and exercise and all that stuff. My motto is: No pain, No pain. :) So I was pretty scared to go to a mammogram after hearing all the horror stories associated with it, even though I knew it was just a precautionary thing and I was certain I didn't have cancer. Well here's the thing, a mammogram does not hurt AT ALL. Unless you have a large lump in your breast. But even then, it only lasts a few seconds and the nurse is nice enough to let you say OWWWWWWWW the whole time as long as you hold your breath for those 2 seconds to take the picture. After the mammogram, the hospital decides they need an ultrasound too (since my breast tissue is dense because I'm so young, they couldn't get much from a mammogram which ANYBODY already knows that). After the ultrasound, a doctor comes in to talk to me. He tells me that the lump is very suspicious (category 4 out of 5) and he recommends a biopsy and then surgery, or just surgery. Either way, it's bad. I cried. Not because I was scared of what it was (I just knew I was too young for cancer) or because I was scared of surgery (you get the good drugs for that), but because I was told less than a week before that all was fine. I asked him, are you sure its not a hematoma? He said, yes, it's definitely not a hematoma. So now I have to have a biopsy and/or surgery. Mom and I went out to lunch and did some shopping after. Shopping is my therapy, but my bank account is starting to get pissed about it.

It's Not a Tumah

I go in for my ultrasound at Dr. Purohit's office, only she is not the one who gives them. So now I have some guy squeezing cold jelly on my breasts in a dark room (it's okay, he's a professional....I think). After doing the ultrasound and making 'Hmmmm' noises for a while, he announces that the lump appears to be a hematoma. A hematoma (her-matoma?) is a blood filled vesicle that happens after injury. He asked if I played any contact sports, and I said does sex count? Apparently it did, so rough sex or perhaps my ridiculous clumsiness caused an injury to my boob that I was not aware of. It's definitely not cancer, says the guy (doctor? tech? I do not know). Big sigh of relief. My gyno, Dr. Purohit, says okay, but I still want you to have a mammogram, just to be on the safe side. Great, I've heard those are so pleasant. :P

The Beginning of the End of My Dignity

Dr. Purohit, my gynecologist, is female. And as I had been going to her many times, especially through my bout with cervical cancer, I was used to having her touch my naughty bits. However, having a syringe shoved into my breast was new. As she felt my breast lump for the first time, she immediately asked the nurse for a syringe, and lied to me when I asked if it would hurt. Before I could even catch my breath, she jammed the needle into my breast (which only felt like a sting), then pulled back on the syringe (which felt like someone was ripping out the insides of my breast with a fish hook). All she got out was blood, so after she stopped the bleeding, she put a band-aid on and told me she probably just hit a blood vessel. She scheduled me for an ultrasound in her office for October 23.

My lovely lady lump

I first discoverd a lump in my breast sometime around late August I think. Actually, my husband Cody discovered it while he was tickling me (no, really, tickling...get your mind out of the gutter). I knew it was probably no big deal, and that my gynecologist would probably tell me to watch it for a month or so to see if it changed. I had my next appointment with her at the beginning of October, so I figured it would be fine to wait until then. Meanwhile, Cody and I decided I should stop taking birth control in October, because we were finally ready for a baby (well, he has been ready for ten years, but I digress). My pap smears had all been normal since my cervical cancer surgery in April 07. End of September, I get a call from the doctor's office that she will be out of the country, and I had to move my appointment back 3 more weeks. Cody and I thought maybe that would be neat, I would know early if I were pregnant (assuming the doctor's techniques of testing pee are more sophisticated than the ones you get at Wal-Mart). Still not too worried about the lump, I had been noticing that it was tender, but I figured maybe that was from all the poking we were doing to see if it had grown. We argued if it had grown or shrank at various times throughout the month, but figured maybe that meant it really hadn't changed size. In other words, it's always been large. Finally, on October 20, I got to go to the gyno to get my pap smear (woohoo!) and have her tell me that my lump was nothing (or so I thought).