Monday, July 13, 2009

Wow, an update from me! ;)

--Done with radiation. Woohoo! Now just checkups and pills and shots and such. Easy-peasy!
--Hair is growing back, I wore it spiky the other night. Will post pictures soon. :)
--Sorority life on facebook is addictive. Not sure why, other than it gives me something to do that is basically mindless (and you get to play dress up!).
--Couldn't find anyone to go with me to AI auditions, so I guess that's over. Maybe one day I'll find a band that needs a part-time lead singer, lol.
--We are going out karaoking August 7th to celebrate Rachel's and my birthdays. Come if you can! :)
--Turned in the MS state adoption/foster form. Haven't heard anything yet.
--Rachel's mom's close friend runs a home for pregnant teens. Some of the teens give their babies up for adoption, by picking a family by looking at scrapbooks. I have one more page to do and then I'm sending in our scrapbook. :) I'll post pics of it too.
--Cody and I are in the early stages of house hunting. We are thinking Hernando/Bridgetown area.
--I guess that's it for now, hope everyone is doing well! :D

Friday, June 5, 2009

Quick Update

I realize I haven't posted here (or much of anywhere) for awhile. I do keep up with facebook status' though. :) I am just beginning to get a burn under my arm from radiation. I've done 15 treatments and have 20 to go. I plucked my first gray hair this morning. I'm doing Relay for Life tonight. My insurance won't cover Zometa as preventative. Gonna be a bridesmaid the middle of this month; hope I'm not too burned to wear my fake boob. Don't see my medical oncologist again till the end of the month. "Did they get it all" and "Are you gonna be ok" are questions I am sick of hearing because there is no answer to them. Cody's grandfather (who he was really close to) is in a nursing home, probably close to death. I used to be sad when I saw old people because they looked so frail; now I just hope my body has the strength to make it to 'old.' Antidepressants are starting to kick in I think; I haven't cried in almost a week. Need any clarification on the above, just ask! :D

Monday, May 4, 2009

Mudfest '09

2009-05-04 musicfest09


Pictures of us and then the concert pictures are of KoRn (who were awesome, of course).

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Doc appt 2

Somewhat happier news to share today, thankfully. :)

--Drain got taken out, woohoo! Didn't hurt a bit to take out, and am so happy that I will be able to sleep in my bed tonight! (Been sleeping on the couch for fear of rolling over and pulling on drain tube, which hurt even when it wasn't being pulled.)

--Saw medical oncologist today (chemo doc, drug doc, hormonal therapy doc, etc.) Everyone who has heard who I have as my doc has said he is one of the best in the world, and after today I totally believe it too.

--What we discussed:

--Radiation:
--Will start as soon as I heal enough. Have an appointment next wednesday with my radiation doc. Will radiate a larger area than originally intended based on my lymph node status.

--Tamoxifen:
--This is the drug that attaches to estrogen so it can't feed the cancer. This was already on the menu for me to start taking sometime soon. He said why wait, gave me a script and I started today. It's a daily pill, for about 5 years.

--Lupron:
--Something I found out about on internet, it is a way to supress your ovaries, putting you in to menopause, so they don't produce the hormones that my cancer feeds on.
--Was going in there, all ready to ask about it and push for it, etc. and he totally up front agreed with me and said yes, we should add that to the Tamoxifen. Got my first injection of it today, will get it monthly for awhile, and then when we know for sure that it has shut down my ovaries, will get it every 3 months, for around 2 to 3 years.

--Zometa:
--Something else I found studies for on the internet. It's actually given to women to help with bone loss. Older (post-menopausal) women can take different meds than Tamoxifen, but they cause bone loss (or maybe it's the Lupron that causes bone loss, I forget?). Anyway, there are fairly new studies out that seem to show that Zometa actually prevents recurrence of breast cancer. It's not ready to be fully used for that purpose yet.
--Doc agreed again, said it can't hurt, will probably help prevent at least recurrence in the bone, so let's do it. I'll start that next month (he didn't want to throw all 3 at me at once). It's a 15-minute infusion drug (given like chemo but without the side effects) that I'll get every 6 months.

--One reason I really like this doc is that he not only agreed with wanting to give me everything that could possibly help, but he already knew about the studies I was mentioning and even some previous studies in other countries that I didn't know about. He is up to date on everything it seems and is willing to try anything to help my chances.

--We are going to continue to use PET scans as screenings, but also blood work. The blood will not only tell us about liver function, but there are some things called tumor markers that may be of some use to look for (though he said its not a proven way to detect cancer, it can't hurt to look for them anyway).

--Not sure how much I believe this part (will have to do some more of my own research), but doc believes that by using all 3 of these tactics, we can increase my overall 5-year survival rate to more like 70%! And my disease free survival rate (chance that I will not have a recurrence in 5 years) to 60%. So that's a good bit better prognosis, now that we are throwing everything we can at the cancer.

--It's still not the greatest prognosis, and you could tell by the way everyone that read my report asked how I was doing that they know how serious it is. But I feel better just knowing that we are trying everything we can.

--Also, Cody and I made an appointment with the psychologist at the clinic, and we are going to ask her to refer us to someone closer to where we live. We feel like we are taking everything fairly well (of course, I am up to 2 anti-anxiety pills a day) but we want to make sure we don't spiral downward (plus Cody is not on any medication and is stressed with work and his ailing grandfather as well as me, he may need it more than I do!).

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Doc appt (Doc 1 of 2)

Went to see the surgical oncologist today (will see medical oncologist tomorrow). Most of what I'm posting I already knew, but wanted to get full info before sharing. Here it is:
--Drain removal
--I thought I was getting my drain out today, but they say I am still producing too much fluid. They will check again tomorrow since I'll be up that way anyway. It hurts and is annoying as hell so I really hope it can come on out. Memphis in May (KoRn, YAY!) will really suck if I still have it in.

--Swelling in hands, feet, underarm
--The swelling I'm experiencing so far is normal.
--They are going to set me up with a lymphedema specialist now, because I have a high chance of developing it, so that I will know what to do.

--Pathology results after surgery
--Tumor: originally greater than 7 cm, what we could feel shrank, but the entire original area (expanding into all 4 quadrants of my breast) was cancerous. It was removed with basically clear margins, meaning they took all that cancer out.
--Lymph nodes: removed 10, 9 were positive for cancer. This is a big finding, which I will discuss further below.
--Lymphovascular invasion present and multifocal (lymph nodes and vascular, or blood vessels)
--Largest lymph node metastasis is 1.3 cm

--What that means as far as how chemo went:
--Didn't kill the cancer in either the breast or lymph nodes
--It is possible that there was smaller cancer elsewhere in my body that we didn't know about that chemo might have helped, but no way to know for sure

--PET scan
--Has its limitations, b/c it showed no cancer in lymph nodes after chemotherapy
--Still the best screening tool we have and will be used in the future
--Often, symptoms of metastasis are present before PET scan detection anyway, so he told me what to look for:
--Most common metastasis sites and symptoms:
--Liver (seen on regular blood draws)
--Bone (pain in a bone, usually a longer bone, not joint pain)
--Brain (double or blurred vision, headaches)

--My Prognosis
--Number of positive lymph nodes is the best predictor of the future.
--Having 4 to 9 positive nodes means:
--about a 50% chance of distant disease recurrence (metastasis) in the next 5 years
--approximately 50% chance of being alive in 5 to 10 years
--Having greater than 9 nodes positive (which I possibly could have, since they only removed 10)
--about a 86% chance of distant disease recurrence (metastasis) in the next 5 years
--approximately 25% chance of being alive in 5 to 10 years
--My doctor is leaning toward saying I have a 50-60% chance of being alive in 10 years, but I forgot to ask him what criteria he is basing that on, and he said that is assuming there were only 9 positive nodes.

--What's next?
--Doctor appointment tomorrow will discuss:
--Radiation: I'll be doing lots of radiation to chest wall and underarm all the way up to clavicle to cover any cancer in chest or lymph nodes that was missed
--Hormone therapy: I'll be taking a drug called Tamoxifen for five years that will slow down or stop my body's production of hormones, because my cancer is estrogen and progesterone receptive, meaning that those hormones make the cancer grow
--I have many questions to ask tomorrow about other drugs I could take that may help, any clinical trials I could take part in, ovarian supression as an additional precaution, whether we should try another chemo (the answer to this one is probably no, because the hormone therapy and radiation are better options at this point), and whether he thinks I should go to a bigger research center or a more comprehensive cancer clinic (or at least go to get a second opinion)
--Basically, there's no specific answer as to what to do next, it's just opinions and finger crossing.

Sorry to be a bummer, just thought I'd keep everyone up to date on the situation. And please spare me the whole "you're not a statistic, you're a person" speech, I do know that already. :P Sit down and really think of how you would feel if you were told you had a 50/50 chance of making it to age 33 before you respond (or possibly only a 25% chance). (And yes, I know all of you that pray are praying for me, you don't have to say that again either.) I will post again tomorrow with the information I get from my other doctor, but the main next stage will be radiation.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Surgery tomorrow!

So I'm having my left mastectomy and lymph nodes removed tomorrow. It'll be an overnight stay in the hospital (yes, I'm making Cody spend the night). I've been nervous all week, but not as bad as I thought I'd be (trying to keep myself busy!). I'm sure it'll hit me worse in the morning, but hopefully they'll give me good stuff at the hospital to help, lol. Anyway, just realized that I hadn't posted about that here (more about it at goddessj.livejournal.com if you're interested). :D

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Doc news

So I don't think I wrote about it here, but my cancer is so small now a PET scan can't detect it. A mammogram can though, and though my tumor itself is small enough for a lumpectomy, there are several calcifications in my breast and so I will be having a mastectomy (on April 15). They will remove my left breast and the lymph nodes in my armpit. I'll spend the night in the hospital and go home the next day. I'll have drains in place for a few weeks which I will have to empty twice a day. Then, a month after surgery, I'll start radiation. That will be for seven weeks, five days a week. Six months after that, I can have reconstructive surgery. I'm gonna meet with my plastic surgeon on Monday to ask some questions. But basically, I won't be able to have an implant because of the radiation (it tightens your skin too much for tissue expanders). So I will probably have a TRAM flap, which is where they basically do a tummy tuck and use that skin/muscle/fat or something to reconstruct my breast. I could choose to have a double mastectomy for aesthetic reasons, but there's not a medical reason to do so (however, doc can make it sound like one so insurance would pay for it). Doc said a double mastectomy would be neither helpful nor harmful, it's up to me. I'm kinda leaning toward a single mastectomy, will see what the plastic surgeon says though. Anyway, that's the news for now!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Doc appt

Dr. Berry (my surgical oncologist, and kind of the coordinator through all of this) had not much to say today but WOW, I can't believe your tumor has gotten so small! :) It's down to about 1.3 cm (from 7!). He said I probably now have the option of doing a lumpectomy instead of mastectomy. I'll know in a couple of weeks about that, after a PET scan and a mammogram. I'll update more details about what the differences are between the two surgeries later, but basically lumpectomy is a much easier surgery and I may not have to have reconstruction surgery after it. :D

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Pink Ribbon Jewelry

Just some pink ribbon jewelry I started making. Had trouble finding the right lighting and background, but oh well. :)


2009-03-11 jewelry

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Things I will miss about chemo

I will miss not having to shave, wax, or pluck anything!
I will miss having my hair done before I even get out of the shower!
I will miss 'being tired' as an excuse to get out of things I don't want to do!
I will miss being babied and taken care of (though I will get some of that after surgery)!
I guess the only thing I will not miss is feeling like crap! :) How's that for a positive spin?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Look Good, Feel Better

The American Cancer Society does a program called Look Good, Feel Better for cancer patients. Cosmetologists volunteer their time off and many companies give their products, and cancer patients learn how to do makeup that specifically helps with the side effects of treatment. I went Monday to one such program. I had fun, the makeup we got was incredible! Chanel anti-wrinkle, Avon mosturizer, M.A.C. lipgloss, Lancome foundation, etc. etc. etc.! SO much stuff, all full size. Very cool that these companies donate so much stuff. Anyway, I'm being very brave and showing you all the Before and After pics that I did of myself (I only made 4 pairs for ya, so check em out!).

BeforeAfter

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Pictures!

Flowers:  Valentine's from daddy, from Cody, and flowers that I grew.


Paintings:  One I did for living room, one I'm working on for kitchen.

Me:  Pics for me at movie theater, getting shot, chemo with mom, and me with makeup.

Chemo (part 6 of 8)

Pain and percocet. Threw up today, even though I'm taking an anti-nausea pill with every percocet. Don't feel that bad though. Not much else to say on it. Two chemos left, then will be meeting with doc to discuss surgery. I feel like I can make it though 2 more chemos, especially since they aren't as hard to take as the first four. :) Will be posting random pics soon.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Chemo (part 5 of 8)

So now (well, as of last Thursday) I am on the Taxol chemo (first four treatments were Adriamyacin and Cytoxin).  I definitely am handling it better so far.  However, there are issues and the side effects can build up over time.  First is the pain.  It's just like the pain from the Neulasta shot, but longer days and more pronounced bone and joint pain.  Percocet is helping though, and pain is easier to deal with than constant nausea.  I do not have constant nausea anymore, which is awesome.  However, I've had abrupt nausea and vomited twice so far (once Friday and once today).  Not sure if the Percocet is involved or the Taxol, but I don't guess it really matters.  I noticed today that my eyelashes are thin.  I've been noticing that I look odd when dressed but with no makeup on, or with wig on and no makeup.  I figured out today that it has something to do with my pale skin and thinning eyelashes.  I guess I have always been so used to thick lashes, it's weird.  I ordered a pink wig today.  Should be fun.  :)  

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Despite Pain

As the tears fall, I ask why
As the world turns, who says goodbye
As others live on, I wanna know
As my heart aches, when will I go
Others just eat, as I consume
Others sleep, while I wait for the moon
Others can laugh, as I struggle to smile
Others tell truths, while I live for denial
Despite the hard times, I still hope for ease
Despite the cold, I still feel the breeze
Despite my fear, I keep on giving
Despite the pain, I fight for living


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Wig Album :)

Wigging out

Chemo (part 4 of 8) Halfway there!

Had my chemo thursday, the last of the Adriomyacin and Cytoxin.  Next 4 chemos will be of Taxol, and the doc said it is much less likely to cause nausea.  Keeping my fingers crossed!  I'm having hot flashes, which doc says is normal, possibly chemo-induced menopause.  Period may stop or at least be irregular the rest of the time.  Weird.  I met with the genetic counselor at chemo thursday, and he thinks there's about a 15-20% chance of a genetic mutation so they took extra blood to test.  I'll know in about a month about that.  My tumor has shrunk to almost HALF its original size.  So the chemo is definitely working!  :)  It may shrink a little bit more, but not much, as the Taxol is not likely to shrink it.  Got a script for Percocet for the pain that follows the shot, hopefully that will help.  I also found out I won't have to have the shot after my last chemo, so only 3 more shots!  Pretty good news all around.  I'll post some wig pictures maybe later today or tomorrow.  I need a pink one, lol.  I'm enjoying the blonde one though.  :)  Here I am playing Sinead with less hair, scratchy sound though cause it's my first video using my built-in webcam.  


Monday, January 12, 2009

Positive things about having breast cancer

1. Vomiting is much easier without hair to hold back.
2. I'm becoming an expert at swallowing pills.
3. Chemo-brain is a great excuse for not paying attention.
4. Wigs and sunglasses make it easy to hide from the law, or people you just don't want to talk to.
5. People cook and clean for you, leaving you free to catch up on current events, like the war in Isreal or whether Dr. House will ever sleep with Dr. Cuddy.


I'll add more over time as I feel clever. Maybe I will get a book deal one day. :)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Well the title pretty much says it all. I knew this would be rough but I'm still sick of it already. I've been nauseated mildly but constantly since my last chemo. I threw up yesterday. The pain after my Neulasta shot was excruciating this time. I have a terrible taste in my mouth all the time. I'm too tired to feel like doing anything. I can barely do laundry much less anything else. Yes, I'm whining, so what. The worst part is it's only a few more days till chemo again. I usually feel good for almost a week before chemo. Not this time. Sucks. Thursday will be my 4th chemo. It will be the last of the Adriomyacin and Cytoxin. The last 4 treatments will be of Taxol. Hopefully that drug will be less annoying. Who knows. I should be working on my online class that I'm teaching, or something, but anything more than laying here watching tv is exhausting. Hell, even typing this makes me tired. Fuck cancer.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Chemo (part 3 of 8)

So I had chemo Friday. It went well, I've been tired and a bit nauseated but not too bad. I have my shot tomorrow, so I'll be sore on Tuesday and Wednesday. Guess what though? My tumor has shrank 1 and 1/2 cm! Woohoo! That means the chemo is working. The doc said it won't shrink much after the 4th treatment (because I'll be on a different medicine for the last 4 treatments). Still, it's great news. :)